Here are four basic skills to listen to.
(1) passive listening (remain silent)
If more than half of the time you are talking, the child will find that he is difficult to tell you his troubles. In the high efficiency of consulting, silence is gold, of course, is the truth, because of the negative listening is a very strong non language information, but your face and attention needs the following message transfer to the children:
I accept your feelings.
I trust you, let you decide what you want to say to me.
You call the shots, because it’s your problem.
In fact, the way most of this passive listening was born in business, due diligence consultants talk with the case, more than half of the time will remain silent. Passive listening encourages children to share their feelings, and to explore deeper and more fundamental issues that are more troubling than previously mentioned. Of course, the only silence is not enough, the children talk to trouble is not just silence silent listening.
(2) in listening (expression attention reaction)
The stumbling block to communication is often the child’s feeling that his message is not accepted. Silence is exempt from these obstacles, but not necessarily for the children to show you are really focused on listening to. Therefore, using language or nonverbal cues you really listened in, can be helpful when doing in conversation pause. We call these cues to express our attention. Nodding, leaning forward, smiling, frowning and other physical movements if used properly, can let the child know that you heard his words. “Oh”, “ah”, “ah” suggestive of such a language, can be referred to as empathy response to sound, can let the child know that you are attentive, you have the interest to listen to, so he will continue to pour out his difficulties.
Sometimes, parents talk too much, the child will feel that there is no chance to tell their own troubles, it is better to listen to the child’s narrative. Parents should use a lot of this class to express their attention, to naturally express their interest and focus.
(3) general (to encourage and guide the children to speak.)
Children occasionally need extra encouragement to say how they feel and feel, especially when the talks are just beginning. So, conscientious parents often encourage children to talk to his opening, for example:
Do you want to talk about it?
I’m interested in what you think.
It sounds as though you have something to do with this.
Do you want to talk more about it?
Please note, these questions are open, let the children no limit on any aspect of a problem. Children can be free to select content is shared. Moreover, this kind of question is not for children earlier talk comment or criticism.
(4) active listening
Active listening is the listener from the conversation and emotion, to talk a way of listening is appropriate and timely feedback.
Active listening does not contain any individual to determine the exact message, only to reflect or feedback he heard the information, and actively said he heard the message to send the message, but also really understand the other side of the feelings. He used his own opinion to send the message to give back, which confirmed that he was listening. The following example is a response to a parent’s response to a typical message sent by a troubled child:
1) children: “I’m so stupid, I can’t do arithmetic. I can never do a good job in arithmetic.”
Parents: “you think you are not smart enough, so you will never know what you are going to do.”
Child: “yes ah.”
2) the child: “I don’t go to bed, the room is dark, there are a lot of ghost.”
Parents: “do you think the bedroom is afraid of ghosts, let you.”
Child: “it’s pretty good.”.”
3) children: “how do people do after death?”
Parents: “you’re thinking about the death of people, and they’re wondering where they’re going.”
Child: “well, you never see them again, aren’t you?””
4) the child: “I don’t want to participate in the birthday party tomorrow.”
Parents: “it sounds like you’re not happy with someone, right?”
Child: “I hate him. He’s not fair.”.”
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“Will I be as brave as Jack in the Pirates of the Caribbean? Will it save the world like Altman?” The daughter sent such a question, and then, and distressed to say: “they are men, I am just a girl, why is the captain of the non male?”
The daughter is not only unfair, but also feel the sigh of this. In her little head and wondering why the hero is always a man? Why do women heroes so little? At this time, grandma will break her ideas: the girls should be like the girls, the boys are doing, as long as the girl holding the sub line.
The duty? How familiar words ah, only a short while ago formed a popular at a time, what is the girl’s duty? It is to hold that the so-called gentle as an understanding wife and loving mother, skilled, the rest is not permitted for offbeat, social.
However, with the advent of the era of the only child, the promotion of women’s rights to make a girl’s character has changed, but this does not mean that the future of your daughter is not a good housewife. Just think: a good housewife is a good measure of the important standard of girls do? To my observation: the silly girl is sometimes happy, but know how to control their own advantage of the girls have always been scenery! Of course, to ordinary or scenery, only their own. Like a turtle to live longer, if all day lying on the seabed, the live ten thousand years and what is it? Advantage education is the fundamental reason why the girl can not live, play their own advantages to live?
Looked at her daughter’s face, I said: “some of the work for men, some work for women, as the captain of this work long drifting in the sea, not only to endure loneliness, but also need a certain physical. The man is so strong that most of the men are men. However, there is a female captain now, because the technology in the development, the ship is no longer so much manual work, but also need to work, so the captain appeared. Let’s look at the plane. Is there a lot of women in the plane? Just like the captain of a military parade. This shows that girls in the technology is not a bit better than men, there are men and women who have a hero, which depends on you do not want to do well, how to do good. This will require you to take advantage of girls ”
What advantage does the girl have? The girl in the communication and coordination capacity than boys a big advantage, research shows that women left than men developed left brain, left brain controls language and abstract thinking ability, so the female imagination and language skills than the congenital male, show that women should obviously than men in social communication ability. Although not in the power of women and men to compete, but in the future society, communication and the ability of thinking need more things to deal with it, which will undoubtedly make women better play to advantage.
As a mother, you want to tell your daughter’s own advantages, strengthen the training of the left and right brain development, but not to give her a way of thinking, the woman is the weak. This impression made it will affect the development of her character, she ignored the weak advantage, a problem not to think how to solve, but then, or is a relatively strong dependence, in the course of time is to develop the personality of lady, but was buried. This is why some women destined to be buried in the hearth, some women have become a princess like cinderella.
There are many have just entered junior high school girls have wondered why I become more stupid? Is not really what people say, just a girl in the primary school period performance than boys after good, true to the junior high school than boys?
A problem encountered this problem when I have just entered junior high school, in most of the girls have just entered junior high school, many subjects suppressed, learn a bit difficult, this is actually a very natural phenomenon. Don’t be known as “older boys than girls IQ is high IQ” fallacy by misleading, there is no evidence to show that girls IQ is poor than boys, but boys than girls in the rational thinking on a little better, so there are some girls become tired of the science of mathematics physics and chemistry class but, this does not mean that your IQ is a problem, but the problem of the cultivation of interest. To cultivate their own interests, not to go to the Department, the Department will only make your knowledge is narrow.
At this time she needs to be as a mother of your reasonable guidance, to dispel her on the rumors of the boys IQ high error awareness, establish good enough confidence to deal with the new discipline, the new semester, slowly let her into normal learning orbit. Then I also listened to the mother’s encouragement to dispel the doubts, to make the learning achievement more and more good, a lot of boys do not solve the problem of mathematical physics, I still take it easy.
At that moment, I was thinking: who said that girls are worse than boys? As long as you try, what time will you have the advantage, if only not aggressive, genius will become a fool!
How to cultivate a girl’s good habits
Train girls to correctly evaluate their good habits, parents should let the children feel at any time, I am not stupid, I really do!
The harsh criticism has stopped the girl’s strength, she only has the shortcoming, where is also the confidence to get up? Where can I evaluate myself and know myself?
The girl who thinks he is a talented woman, she is likely to become a prodigy. On the contrary, if she thinks she is stupid, she really will be more and more stupid. Investigate its reason, is the psychological suggestion in play, the problem is to be afraid of, the more afraid of the more easily wrong, wrong to feel more stupid, which will form a vicious cycle, the growth of girls is very bad.
In real life, many parents do not pay attention to their own girls can not correctly evaluate their own details, they tend to think that is not important. But in fact, this is not correct for their own understanding of the girl can not play their own talent, the lack of confidence in the state of the state of death, the result of waste of their talents. They had to use half the time to have a double effect of learning, but it has been a setback to break the wings of flying, which is really a pity.
In fact, a lot of talented girls in life are in the criticism of their parents’ rude encounter, and many parents do not know the reason for the loss of her daughter. The harsh criticism stopped the girl’s strength, and she had only a weakness. In this regard, the experts put forward the following suggestions for parents:
Advice for parents: tell a girl, others see you look, you will see yourself round.
When the teacher gives you the girl brought a setback, you can put this sentence as a motto, hang on the girl’s wall, encourage her to correct evaluation of their own. This can bring the power to her learning, while preventing her because of the teacher’s criticism, then become.
Give your parents advice two: shout out your girl.
When a girl is afraid to make a little progress, you should praise her loudly. Your praise will make the girl continue to work hard, continue to achieve greater success, the praise of your greatest reward. They also have a positive and optimistic understanding and evaluation of their own.
Give parents advice three: you are not a genius, who is a genius.
List the characteristics of genius, once the girl’s behavior in line with a standard, take to her, tell her, she is a genius, strengthen her self-confidence. This approach has helped deaf children admitted to the University, the girl can also apply to your.
Give your parents advice four: “tell you a good news!”
Every day the girl comes home from school, the first sentence should be “tell you a good news”. This optimistic attitude, the girl is not in a good mood swept away, let the girl’s spirits. The good news is that no matter how very little optimism, parents can become the greatest comfort girl.
To the parents of the five: “daughter, I’m proud of you!”
Want to often say to the girl “I am proud of you”, the girl gets results, for her efforts and pride, the girl met setbacks, for her to bear the fight to continue to work hard and proud. The pride of parents is the girl’s greatest power.
Give parents the advice six: the future of the advantages for the girl’s applause.
When the girl set their own goals, parents should take the girl’s goal as a future advantage, every time the girl from the advantage of the step, parents should give her loud cheers. Even if your girl Nothing is right., as long as she is willing to work hard, you should cheer.