Here are four basic skills to listen to.
(1) passive listening (remain silent)
If more than half of the time you are talking, the child will find that he is difficult to tell you his troubles. In the high efficiency of consulting, silence is gold, of course, is the truth, because of the negative listening is a very strong non language information, but your face and attention needs the following message transfer to the children:
I accept your feelings.
I trust you, let you decide what you want to say to me.
You call the shots, because it’s your problem.
In fact, the way most of this passive listening was born in business, due diligence consultants talk with the case, more than half of the time will remain silent. Passive listening encourages children to share their feelings, and to explore deeper and more fundamental issues that are more troubling than previously mentioned. Of course, the only silence is not enough, the children talk to trouble is not just silence silent listening.
(2) in listening (expression attention reaction)
The stumbling block to communication is often the child’s feeling that his message is not accepted. Silence is exempt from these obstacles, but not necessarily for the children to show you are really focused on listening to. Therefore, using language or nonverbal cues you really listened in, can be helpful when doing in conversation pause. We call these cues to express our attention. Nodding, leaning forward, smiling, frowning and other physical movements if used properly, can let the child know that you heard his words. “Oh”, “ah”, “ah” suggestive of such a language, can be referred to as empathy response to sound, can let the child know that you are attentive, you have the interest to listen to, so he will continue to pour out his difficulties.
Sometimes, parents talk too much, the child will feel that there is no chance to tell their own troubles, it is better to listen to the child’s narrative. Parents should use a lot of this class to express their attention, to naturally express their interest and focus.
(3) general (to encourage and guide the children to speak.)
Children occasionally need extra encouragement to say how they feel and feel, especially when the talks are just beginning. So, conscientious parents often encourage children to talk to his opening, for example:
Do you want to talk about it?
I’m interested in what you think.
It sounds as though you have something to do with this.
Do you want to talk more about it?
Please note, these questions are open, let the children no limit on any aspect of a problem. Children can be free to select content is shared. Moreover, this kind of question is not for children earlier talk comment or criticism.
(4) active listening
Active listening is the listener from the conversation and emotion, to talk a way of listening is appropriate and timely feedback.
Active listening does not contain any individual to determine the exact message, only to reflect or feedback he heard the information, and actively said he heard the message to send the message, but also really understand the other side of the feelings. He used his own opinion to send the message to give back, which confirmed that he was listening. The following example is a response to a parent’s response to a typical message sent by a troubled child:
1) children: “I’m so stupid, I can’t do arithmetic. I can never do a good job in arithmetic.”
Parents: “you think you are not smart enough, so you will never know what you are going to do.”
Child: “yes ah.”
2) the child: “I don’t go to bed, the room is dark, there are a lot of ghost.”
Parents: “do you think the bedroom is afraid of ghosts, let you.”
Child: “it’s pretty good.”.”
3) children: “how do people do after death?”
Parents: “you’re thinking about the death of people, and they’re wondering where they’re going.”
Child: “well, you never see them again, aren’t you?””
4) the child: “I don’t want to participate in the birthday party tomorrow.”
Parents: “it sounds like you’re not happy with someone, right?”
Child: “I hate him. He’s not fair.”.”
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