Here are four basic skills to listen to.
(1) passive listening (remain silent)
If more than half of the time you are talking, the child will find that he is difficult to tell you his troubles. In the high efficiency of consulting, silence is gold, of course, is the truth, because of the negative listening is a very strong non language information, but your face and attention needs the following message transfer to the children:
I accept your feelings.
I trust you, let you decide what you want to say to me.
You call the shots, because it’s your problem.
In fact, the way most of this passive listening was born in business, due diligence consultants talk with the case, more than half of the time will remain silent. Passive listening encourages children to share their feelings, and to explore deeper and more fundamental issues that are more troubling than previously mentioned. Of course, the only silence is not enough, the children talk to trouble is not just silence silent listening.
(2) in listening (expression attention reaction)
The stumbling block to communication is often the child’s feeling that his message is not accepted. Silence is exempt from these obstacles, but not necessarily for the children to show you are really focused on listening to. Therefore, using language or nonverbal cues you really listened in, can be helpful when doing in conversation pause. We call these cues to express our attention. Nodding, leaning forward, smiling, frowning and other physical movements if used properly, can let the child know that you heard his words. “Oh”, “ah”, “ah” suggestive of such a language, can be referred to as empathy response to sound, can let the child know that you are attentive, you have the interest to listen to, so he will continue to pour out his difficulties.
Sometimes, parents talk too much, the child will feel that there is no chance to tell their own troubles, it is better to listen to the child’s narrative. Parents should use a lot of this class to express their attention, to naturally express their interest and focus.
(3) general (to encourage and guide the children to speak.)
Children occasionally need extra encouragement to say how they feel and feel, especially when the talks are just beginning. So, conscientious parents often encourage children to talk to his opening, for example:
Do you want to talk about it?
I’m interested in what you think.
It sounds as though you have something to do with this.
Do you want to talk more about it?
Please note, these questions are open, let the children no limit on any aspect of a problem. Children can be free to select content is shared. Moreover, this kind of question is not for children earlier talk comment or criticism.
(4) active listening
Active listening is the listener from the conversation and emotion, to talk a way of listening is appropriate and timely feedback.
Active listening does not contain any individual to determine the exact message, only to reflect or feedback he heard the information, and actively said he heard the message to send the message, but also really understand the other side of the feelings. He used his own opinion to send the message to give back, which confirmed that he was listening. The following example is a response to a parent’s response to a typical message sent by a troubled child:
1) children: “I’m so stupid, I can’t do arithmetic. I can never do a good job in arithmetic.”
Parents: “you think you are not smart enough, so you will never know what you are going to do.”
Child: “yes ah.”
2) the child: “I don’t go to bed, the room is dark, there are a lot of ghost.”
Parents: “do you think the bedroom is afraid of ghosts, let you.”
Child: “it’s pretty good.”.”
3) children: “how do people do after death?”
Parents: “you’re thinking about the death of people, and they’re wondering where they’re going.”
Child: “well, you never see them again, aren’t you?””
4) the child: “I don’t want to participate in the birthday party tomorrow.”
Parents: “it sounds like you’re not happy with someone, right?”
Child: “I hate him. He’s not fair.”.”
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How to cultivate a girl’s good habits
Train girls to correctly evaluate their good habits, parents should let the children feel at any time, I am not stupid, I really do!
The harsh criticism has stopped the girl’s strength, she only has the shortcoming, where is also the confidence to get up? Where can I evaluate myself and know myself?
The girl who thinks he is a talented woman, she is likely to become a prodigy. On the contrary, if she thinks she is stupid, she really will be more and more stupid. Investigate its reason, is the psychological suggestion in play, the problem is to be afraid of, the more afraid of the more easily wrong, wrong to feel more stupid, which will form a vicious cycle, the growth of girls is very bad.
In real life, many parents do not pay attention to their own girls can not correctly evaluate their own details, they tend to think that is not important. But in fact, this is not correct for their own understanding of the girl can not play their own talent, the lack of confidence in the state of the state of death, the result of waste of their talents. They had to use half the time to have a double effect of learning, but it has been a setback to break the wings of flying, which is really a pity.
In fact, a lot of talented girls in life are in the criticism of their parents’ rude encounter, and many parents do not know the reason for the loss of her daughter. The harsh criticism stopped the girl’s strength, and she had only a weakness. In this regard, the experts put forward the following suggestions for parents:
Advice for parents: tell a girl, others see you look, you will see yourself round.
When the teacher gives you the girl brought a setback, you can put this sentence as a motto, hang on the girl’s wall, encourage her to correct evaluation of their own. This can bring the power to her learning, while preventing her because of the teacher’s criticism, then become.
Give your parents advice two: shout out your girl.
When a girl is afraid to make a little progress, you should praise her loudly. Your praise will make the girl continue to work hard, continue to achieve greater success, the praise of your greatest reward. They also have a positive and optimistic understanding and evaluation of their own.
Give parents advice three: you are not a genius, who is a genius.
List the characteristics of genius, once the girl’s behavior in line with a standard, take to her, tell her, she is a genius, strengthen her self-confidence. This approach has helped deaf children admitted to the University, the girl can also apply to your.
Give your parents advice four: “tell you a good news!”
Every day the girl comes home from school, the first sentence should be “tell you a good news”. This optimistic attitude, the girl is not in a good mood swept away, let the girl’s spirits. The good news is that no matter how very little optimism, parents can become the greatest comfort girl.
To the parents of the five: “daughter, I’m proud of you!”
Want to often say to the girl “I am proud of you”, the girl gets results, for her efforts and pride, the girl met setbacks, for her to bear the fight to continue to work hard and proud. The pride of parents is the girl’s greatest power.
Give parents the advice six: the future of the advantages for the girl’s applause.
When the girl set their own goals, parents should take the girl’s goal as a future advantage, every time the girl from the advantage of the step, parents should give her loud cheers. Even if your girl Nothing is right., as long as she is willing to work hard, you should cheer.
Create a warm family atmosphere, so that the girl with a sense of peace
Create a good family atmosphere, to cultivate children’s vital.
In the eyes of their parents, the girls like sand, although beautiful beautiful, but fragile tender. A minute ago also stand proudly, a seemingly unassailable to against all enemies, but the next minute, the tide will erosion cornerstone of self doubt, triggering the collapse. This needs the parents to help her daughter to establish a stable life foundation – a sense of peace, not to put her on the beach”. For girls, a warm family is safe, is stable, is her strength and all.
Renmin University of China Information Institute, Professor Luo Yan in my blog on my story:
Luo Yan a person with a daughter Luo small life, small like a flower beloved small bud, let mother pamper unceasingly, but the child appears on his father in the side can not understand. Little often asked: “why don’t you live with us?” Luo Yan is said ruefully: “he abandoned our mother.”
A, small and dad come in to play, came back to Luo Yan said: “Mom, Dad today and I sit bus time is too crowded the, his hand caught breaking!” Luo Yan no repercussions, about her ex husband. She had no favor, small see mother unsmiling, closed not mentioning the matter, even in later life, rarely in front of mom mention dad.
Small seemed adaptation alone and Luo Yan in the life together. She is very lovely also very happy, this let Luo Yan is very happy, said parents divorce, the biggest victims are children, okay my daughter no anything unusual. Until one day, Luo Yan inadvertently heard a small sentence, she was aware of her heart or a pimple don’t untie, although she did not say, but deep in the subconscious, the psychological background of her or thick or thin.
At that time, Luo Yan with little to go to see my tutor. My wife also retired at home, beloved little extra love to see, not as busy to come up with a lot of snacks for her. A little too soon found that in my grandparents’ house, nestled in her arms, “grandma” “grandmother” cried. Luo Yan down, so he and mentor to his study to talk about some academic problems.
Do not inadvertently, Luo Yan heard little childish voice from the living room came: “grandma, my father and mother divorced, my father a long time didn’t and we together, I was afraid, afraid of mother don’t want me, so I must behave obediently…” Luo Yan’s heart a tight family, incomplete or give the child form a psychological shadow. Luo Yan’s thought of chaos, teacher looked at her silently, without words.
After returning home, Luo Yan want and daughter talk about getting a divorce, but watching the young daughter, she opened her mouth and on the. Luo Yan is in the heart of a sigh, she reminds me of my childhood.
Luo strict 5 years time, father left mother and another love. At that time, mother, overwhelmed with grief, with a rope to Luo Yankun prepare together to jump off a building, but to see Luo Yan cried sadly, this just forget about it. No father in the growth process of side, let her not to the man to that she chose a irresponsible man married. Perhaps, because his father abandoned his mother, let me feel all the men will be discarded, so early in the texture of life to take part in the unfortunate elements, which led me to really go into the unfortunate.
Although Luo Yan is an excellent university teachers, but on this issue, she didn’t know how to deal with, of course, she did not want such a misfortune in her continued, but now seems I gave her some negative implications. She knew I was going to take action.
Old man under the moon every year busy between men and women in the matchmaking, but it happens every year a lot of men and women snapped the red line to fly their. This is most cannot thing in the world. No matter who you are, do not want the tragedy of chain sets and was caught in a snare my children, but most of the time, parents of an unhappy marriage, the child is difficult to grasp the marriage. Even if there is no divorce of parents, if every day living in the smoke of war, the same will let the children do not have a sense of peace, sensitive girl in particular. Therefore, education is important, but the family atmosphere is more important. As parents, we must create a warm environment for the children.
In the hearts of the children, home is warm, peace of the central, there is a father and mother of the central, can play at home, relax, learn, grow. So, how to create a good family atmosphere?
First, to establish a harmonious relationship between husband and wife
The love between husband and wife can bring the child to bring psychological peace, the child from here to understand what is love, what is concerned, but also from here to learn how to get along with people. If there is no harmonious relationship, it is difficult to say what a warm family environment. To let her daughter grow up in Ankang happy, parents are the first to get along with the primary condition. Parents should pay attention to the following points:
1 communication between husband and wife.
2 time to set aside a couple.
3 enjoy the fun of playing with the kids.
Second, create a warm family topic
We often in family ethical play see people who sit around chatting together, happy, little with kind of slapstick, comfortable feel, the interpretation of the true meaning of “home”. Able to say, often create a warm atmosphere for all family members to participate in the topic can also create.
Third, the couple shared rearing responsibilities
Husband and wife should bear common rearing obligation. Even husband and wife divorce, but also to assume a shared obligation of female education, at least in the understanding of the girl to save traces of a “home” to her. If you can get a double love of parents, then divorce on children’s injury will be much smaller.
Flowers need pure soil, children need warm family. The girl grew up in the family harmony will have an indifferent to Enron’s temperament, to the world and life have a very positive understanding, can actively to weave my interpersonal relationship network, and can live happily in the. As parents, it is an obligation to create a warm family environment for children.
Parenting experts give suggestions
Breeze and rain storms have different effects on seedlings, the former to seedling growth of nutrients and is likely to be ruined seedlings of life. Create a warm family atmosphere, the first to dispose of the relationship between the couple, which is the premise of all education. For girls, parents’ love is she grows the best nourishment, even on the side to watch the love between parents, a child is a positive education, because it can help us to describe her a beautiful feeling in the world.